ASK DR. SCHUND
(C)1999 Alan M. Schwartz
Dr. Schund, how can we access a "Forbidden Planet" or "Star Trek"
disintegration beam?
Liquidated human puddles (Al Capone and Valentine's Day) are
messy. Abolish electron Fermi statistics and a 70 kg object of
disaffection collapses from nominal 0.9 gm/cm^3 ambient density
to 2x10^14 gm/cm^3 nuclear density. Heat from adiabatic
compression is -/_\PV. The resultant 8 micron diameter nuclear
pellet radiates colossal hard gamma radiation. Still messy.
Unraveling nuclear structure is minimally arcane. The problem is
E=mc^2. A seventy kilogram man inflicts 1.5x10^18 calories of
energy. Even SPF 10^23 sunblock pass significant sting from a
1500 megatonne blast. Said blast will disturb neighbors and
lower local real estate values - unequivocally a weapon whose
exercise no government would ever condone overtly or covertly.
Hushed extemporaneous mass annihilation on the scale of Internal
Revenue Service auditors or Hillary Ramrod Clinton's steatopygian
keister demands dispersing component subatomic structure across
independent worldlines. Those noisome 1500 megatonnes must be
allocated to the infinite (less an epsilon) density of states of
alternate realities permeating space-time we call real but
mathematically orthogonal to it. One incremental proton
curiously arising in a foreign universe will not afflict the EPA.
Let cops try reassembling a corpus delicti after that shuffle.
What exhaustively fine mesh interdigitates space-time's grain and
borrows into its fundamental matrix? What fractal quantum
manifestation exists sufficient unto the task and macroscopically
tractable? What dreadful and glorious weapon can be forged to
partially exfoliate a fully dense conformal membrane of untold
manifold futures that it could infinitesimally dissect then
dissipatively guzzle Jerry Falwell, thereafter slamming shut
tight and again impermeable?
The Heisenberg Principle of Indeterminacy slithers an evanescent
half-photon of uncertainty into every allowed electromagnetic
mode. Planck's blackbody equation then gives otherwise empty
space (the classical vacuum) a quantum zero point energy whose
intensity varies as the frequency cubed (rendering it Lorentz
invariant and immune to Doppler shift) up to a cutoff at the
grain of space, 10^(-33) centimeter. John A. Wheeler, Nobel
laureate physicist, laid forth the mathematically obvious and
very disturbing result: Free space has an integrated intrinsic
zero-point energy of 10^94 grams/cubic centimeter.
10^94 gm/cm^3 (the number "one" followed by 94 zeros and 31
commas) is nicely in excess of typical human density at 0.9
gm/cm^3 or platinum at 21.5 gm/cm^3 or nuclear density at 2x10^14
g/cm^3. 1500 megatonnes would be comparatively less than a
sparrow fart in a Force Nine hurricane. A volume three feet
square and seven feet high is partitioned into 1.78x10^105
quantum gates, more than 100,000 exits for every particle in our
entire universe. Irreproachably immaculate pulsed disintegration
of a BATF agent or a whole SWAT team (or Iraq) is not only
possible, it is beneath notice. A small fraction of ports will
open into energy-dense realities to afford affable azure Cerenkov
shimmers as the magic happens. At worst a "bang!" emerges as air
rushes in to fill the revealed instantaneous void and then
oscillates a bit about equilibrium. (Continuous mode operation
is NOT recommended.)
We now cerebrate upon the trigger and control interface. A
fractal probe - quantum velcro - is the ticket to gestalten
relaxation of Planck tight junctions prohibiting extrinsic
worldline intercession. An antenna of active elements is
required, for there will be no time to convey information about
the weave to outside observers before Ragnarok arrives ravenous
and ravening. What physical construct expresses small scale
incursion and overall capacity imperative to driving and guiding
the necessary wedges in parallel? None. The tool must be
recursively grown.
Religions and other myths boast ancient chronicles of cataclysmic
manipulation by adepts. Those skilled in the art moved
mountains, rained fire, commanded water to flow uphill, and
otherwise harnessed permeating energies out of all proportion to
their presence (and Newton's laws of motion and equilibrium
thermodynamics). It is the Force, all 10^94 gm/cm^3 of it
issuing forth at a thought. One need only think about it just
right (and assiduously avoid nightmares). Guild members as a
rule cast an amulet for focusing their efforts.
Neural anatomy of itself cannot support thought. Intensely
cardinal insinuations sift near infinite combinations of words as
this monograph emerges. Such overwhelming density and cadence is
confined to the quantum froth. A human brain is the gate, albeit
with a damaged key. Who is the locksmith?
Dr. Schund sits in his study absorbed in rotating a tesseract
floating before him. In Top Secret/Lotus Eater splendor he
enjoys its 8 cubes, 16 vertices, 24 squares, 32 edges... and the
last fellow who bothered him withering within.