PERTINENT EDUCATION (C)1994 Alan M. Schwartz The problem with our universities is simply stated. They seek to bend young, impressionable minds with the sinful, discriminatory and ecologically destructive Caucasian Eurocentric Protestant atrocities of mathematics, science, engineering, business, law and government. It is the People's natural right to demand a New Age dawn. Instruction must mirror the Gaian passions of correct belief, correct thought, correct action, and correct penance for trespass. The fluid and harmonic convergence of good thought will liberate all and elicit the Millennium. Here then are the courses to shape our future in the image of the Goddess! REMEDIAL REALITY - 3 credits. How to act, what to do, what to think. Valid vocabulary, gestures, beliefs and actions. Fragile issues, populations, preferences, genders and your obeisance to them. Reconstructing the physical universe via doctrine and rites. 2+2=5. Correct answers will be complementary to prevailing truth at the point in time posed. Students not achieving a passing grade will be reeducated, and then shot. RECONSTRUCTED ATROCITIES - 5 credits. Caucasian males are ineligible. Entering your inner self to relive, rediscover and recreate physical, sexual, social, and political rape. Exacting mutilative or lethal revenge for now being in fear of your life from relocated perpetrators. Becoming a public heroine after getting away with the exactment of your reprisal given the sloppy prosecution of your court hearing. Term project required. PROMOTION IN THE WORKPLACE - 2 credits. Working your way up the corporate or academic ladder by filing discrimination lawsuits. Ethnic diversity, race, gender, drug dependence, sexual preference and disease as non-negotiable qualifications. Getting that white male pig manager, boss or departmental chairman out of your face. WORKING THE SYSTEM - 3 credits. Securing government support for artists, experts, the specially-challenged, victims or Welfare recipients. Becoming an artist, expert, specially-challenged, victim or Welfare recipient. Increasing government allocations by training other artists, experts, specially-challenged, victims and Welfare recipients until your numbers are great enough to vote in your own politicians. How to become a politician. RAPE - 5 credits. Required text: "I Did Not Know I Had Been Date Raped Until The Check He Gave Me Bounced," by Bailey Hankins. Required course for all males. An in-depth exploration of the filthy obscenities masquerading as male sexuality, and rape. Tumescence - the infallible indicator of rape-in-progress. Why the first button is rape. Rape as an act of political repression and male dominance during conversation. Enucleation as a viable alternative to being raped by a man's glance. Aural rape and its prosecution. Date rape, workplace rape, school rape, family rape, shopping rape, waiting rape and thought rape. TYRANNY - 3 credits. Males except for transsexuals and gays are prohibited. The political sovereignty of body hair. White male repression enacted through the razor. The enlightened statement of lush axillary growth. Women of power and their moustaches. Cherishing your gifts of inter-breast and nipple hirsutism. The glorious liberation of your hairy thighs. EMPOWERMENT OF CHALLENGE - 3 credits. The innate superiority of People of Color, drug dependence, HIV-positivism, dysfunctional limbs, dementia, genetic aberration, and all polities snubbed by standardized testing. Minimal reverse discrimination levels to be tolerated when applying for a job or government position. Government grants awarded for starting your own community leadership organization, and franchising your success as a multi- level sales opportunity. How large a rental rebate do I deserve given the atrocities I imagine were performed upon my ancestors? THE CHILD WITHIN US - 2 credits. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, molestation, sodomy and rape practiced by your father. Forced super-hot enemas, multiple and large object insertions, whippings and beatings, public humiliations and denial of love practiced by your father. All the failures of your life and all your personal shortcomings resulting from your father's incessant brutalization of your childhood, explained. HUMAN SEXUALITY - 3 credits. What is heterosexuality? The continuing, tragic delusion of heterosexuality. Diseases transmitted through heterosexual contact. Abnormal psychology of heterosexuals. Characteristic heterosexual fetishes and foreign pleasure objects. Heterosexual persistence and uncontrollable heterosexual aggression. Can an archetypical "safe" heterosexual act exist? Counseling the heterosexual. Remedial social, psychological and medical heterosexual behavioral modification. NATURAL RIGHTS - 3 credits. Exploration of the destruction of habitat by industry. The multiple atrocities of merchandising cattle, sheep, poultry and anything else with a face. Ecological devastation caused by pesticides. Rape of the Earth enacted by electricity generation, farming, concrete and asphalt. Petroleum as poison. The growing menace of machinery. Recycle to forever put an end to garbage and sewage. Restoration of the natural rights of Gaia for Earth's billions.