PERTINENT EDUCATION
                    (C)1994 Alan M. Schwartz

The problem with our universities is simply stated.  They seek to 
bend young, impressionable minds with the sinful, discriminatory  
and ecologically destructive Caucasian Eurocentric Protestant 
atrocities of mathematics, science, engineering, business, law 
and government.  It is the People's natural right to demand a New 
Age dawn.  Instruction must mirror the Gaian passions of correct 
belief, correct thought, correct action, and correct penance for 
trespass.  The fluid and harmonic convergence of good thought 
will liberate all and elicit the Millennium.  Here then are the 
courses to shape our future in the image of the Goddess!

REMEDIAL REALITY - 3 credits.  How to act, what to do, what to 
think.  Valid vocabulary, gestures, beliefs and actions.  Fragile 
issues, populations, preferences, genders and your obeisance to 
them.  Reconstructing the physical universe via doctrine and 
rites.  2+2=5.  Correct answers will be complementary to 
prevailing truth at the point in time posed.  Students not 
achieving a passing grade will be reeducated, and then shot.

RECONSTRUCTED ATROCITIES - 5 credits.  Caucasian males are 
ineligible.  Entering your inner self to relive, rediscover and 
recreate physical, sexual, social, and political rape.  Exacting 
mutilative or lethal revenge for now being in fear of your life 
from relocated perpetrators.  Becoming a public heroine after 
getting away with the exactment of your reprisal given the sloppy 
prosecution of your court hearing.  Term project required.

PROMOTION IN THE WORKPLACE - 2 credits.  Working your way up the 
corporate or academic ladder by filing discrimination lawsuits.  
Ethnic diversity, race, gender, drug dependence, sexual 
preference and disease as non-negotiable qualifications.  Getting 
that white male pig manager, boss or departmental chairman out of 
your face.

WORKING THE SYSTEM - 3 credits.  Securing government support for 
artists, experts, the specially-challenged, victims or Welfare 
recipients.  Becoming an artist, expert, specially-challenged, 
victim or Welfare recipient.  Increasing government allocations 
by training other artists, experts, specially-challenged, victims 
and Welfare recipients until your numbers are great enough to 
vote in your own politicians.  How to become a politician.

RAPE - 5 credits.  Required text:  "I Did Not Know I Had Been 
Date Raped Until The Check He Gave Me Bounced," by Bailey 
Hankins.  Required course for all males.  An in-depth exploration 
of the filthy obscenities masquerading as male sexuality, and 
rape.  Tumescence - the infallible indicator of rape-in-progress.  
Why the first button is rape.  Rape as an act of political 
repression and male dominance during conversation.  Enucleation 
as a viable alternative to being raped by a man's glance.  Aural 
rape and its prosecution.  Date rape, workplace rape, school 
rape, family rape, shopping rape, waiting rape and thought rape.

TYRANNY - 3 credits.  Males except for transsexuals and gays are 
prohibited.  The political sovereignty of body hair.  White male 
repression enacted through the razor.  The enlightened statement 
of lush axillary growth.  Women of power and their moustaches.  
Cherishing your gifts of inter-breast and nipple hirsutism.  The 
glorious liberation of your hairy thighs.

EMPOWERMENT OF CHALLENGE - 3 credits.  The innate superiority of 
People of Color, drug dependence, HIV-positivism, dysfunctional 
limbs, dementia, genetic aberration, and all polities snubbed by 
standardized testing.  Minimal reverse discrimination levels to 
be tolerated when applying for a job or government position.  
Government grants awarded for starting your own community 
leadership organization, and franchising your success as a multi-
level sales opportunity.  How large a rental rebate do I deserve 
given the atrocities I imagine were performed upon my ancestors?  

THE CHILD WITHIN US - 2 credits.  Physical abuse, emotional 
abuse, molestation, sodomy and rape practiced by your father.  
Forced super-hot enemas, multiple and large object insertions, 
whippings and beatings, public humiliations and denial of love 
practiced by your father.  All the failures of your life and all 
your personal shortcomings resulting from your father's incessant 
brutalization of your childhood, explained.

HUMAN SEXUALITY - 3 credits.  What is heterosexuality?  The 
continuing, tragic delusion of heterosexuality.  Diseases 
transmitted through heterosexual contact.  Abnormal psychology of 
heterosexuals.  Characteristic heterosexual fetishes and foreign 
pleasure objects.  Heterosexual persistence and uncontrollable 
heterosexual aggression.  Can an archetypical "safe" heterosexual 
act exist?  Counseling the heterosexual.  Remedial social, 
psychological and medical heterosexual behavioral modification.

NATURAL RIGHTS - 3 credits.  Exploration of the destruction of 
habitat by industry.  The multiple atrocities of merchandising 
cattle, sheep, poultry and anything else with a face.  Ecological 
devastation caused by pesticides.  Rape of the Earth enacted by 
electricity generation, farming, concrete and asphalt.  Petroleum 
as poison.  The growing menace of machinery.  Recycle to forever 
put an end to garbage and sewage.  Restoration of the natural 
rights of Gaia for Earth's billions.