EVERYBODY SHOULD ATTEND COLLEGE
(C)1998 Alan M. Schwartz
The English version of this exam was forwarded to me by an
admirer (co-conspirator) who wishes to remain anonymous lest his
civil service sinecure evaporate with extreme executive
prejudice. The Ebonics translation is courtesy of JIVE.COM, date
stamped 25 October 1986. Uncle Al extends a crisp cyber-
handshake to gmilsom@incentre.net (oh dear)...
"California officials have determined that students would
probably do better (are we sufficiently covering our butts here?)
with math word problems if they could relate them to real life
examples."
The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam
De City uh Los Angeles 'Sup, dudegh School Mad Profidiency Exam
Instructions: Answer any ONE of the following.
Instrucshuns, dig dis: Answa' any ONE uh de followin'.
1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out
of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how
many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
1.Johnny gots'ta an AK-47 wid an 80-round clip. If he misses 6
out uh 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each roll-by shootin', how
many roll-by shootin's kin he attempt befo'e he gots'ta t'reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson
for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the
street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
2. Jose gots'ta 2 ounces uh cocaine and he sells an 8-ball
t'Jackson fo' $320 and 2 grams t'Billy fo' $85 puh' gram. 'S
coo', bro. What be de street value uh de balance uh de cocaine
if he duzn't cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for
each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus
can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit?
3. Rufus be pimpin' fo' dree goats. If de price be $65 fo' each
trick, how many tricks gots'ta each goat gots'ta turn so's Rufus
kin pay fo' his $800-puh'-day crack habit?
4. Jarone want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more
profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
4. Jarone wanna cut his 1/2 pound uh heroin t'make 20% mo'e
profit. How many ounces uh cut gots'ta he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100
for a 4X4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs, 3 4X4s, how many Chevies
will he have to steal to make $800?
5. Willie gits $200 fo' stealin' some BMW, $50 fo' some Chevy,
and $100 fo' some 4X4. If he gots'ta stolen 2 BMWs, 3 4X4s, how
many Chevies gots'ta he gots'ta steal t'make $800?
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for
the hit. If his common law wife is spending $425 per month, how
much money will be left when he gets out of prison, and how many
years is he likely to get for killing the bitch that spent his
money?
6. Raoul be in prison fo' 6 years fo' murder. Ah be baaad... He
gots $10,000 fo' de hit. If his common law mama be spendin' $425
puh' mond, how much bre'd gots'ta be left when he gits out uh
prison, and how many years be he likesly t'get fo' killin' de
bitch dat spent his bre'd?
7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average
letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3
cans of paint?
7. If de average spray kin covers 22 square feet and da damn
average letta' is 3 square feet, how many letters kin be sprayed
wid 3 kins uh paint?
8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in
the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector
knocked up?
8. Hecto' knocked down 6 goats in his gang. Dere are 27 goats in
de gang. What puh'centage uh de goats in de gang gots'ta Hecto'
knocked down?
9. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per
night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child. If her
$325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more children should
she have to keep up with her expenses?
9. Delma kin cook dinna' fo' ha' 16 children fo' $7.50 puh'
night. She gits $234 some mond welfare fo' each child. If ha'
$325 puh' mond rent goes down 15%, how many mo'e children should
she gots'ta keep down wid ha' 'spenses?
10. Salvador was arrested for dealing crack & his bail was set at
$25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico,
how much money will he lose by jumping bail?
10. Salvado' wuz arrested fo' dealin' crack & his bail wuz set at
$25,000. If he pays some bail bondsman 12% and returns t'Mexico,
how much bre'd gots'ta he lose by jumpin' bail?