PERFECTLY AWFUL (C)1999 Alan M. Schwartz When I was a lad biology was a realm of disconnected facts and perfection. Each aspect of macroscopic morphology and microscopic biochemistry was eerily optimized by evolution and possibly a little divine intervention. As the 21st century broaches we endure Environmentalist Luddite sniveling about perfection of natural chaos, smelly bogs to eight sightings (though not necessarily eight individuals) of the New Delhi Sand- Loving Fly derailing $3.31 million development of 76 acres in San Bernardino County in 1994. This is a load of crap, with technical documentation (Science 283(5400) 314 (1999)). Photosynthesis is a biomic big deal as nothing more evolved than chemoautotrophs sucking hydrogen sulfide near deep sea vents and archaebacterial methanogens grubbing hydrogen from moist basalt a mile underground can get by without it. We are regaled with miracles of carbon dioxide fixation into 3-phosphoglycerate and then glucose, then conversion to cellulose and virgin forests. Leaf photosynthesis in the field with optimal lighting and moisture is 10-30 micromoles (up to 70 in C4 plants like crab grass) of carbon dioxide/m^2-sec (0.9 moles/m^2-day). For each mole of carbon dioxide fixed there is released a mole of oxygen. (Steven Fry, Institute of Cell and Molecular Biology, Edinburgh University.) 1) Capturing and processing carbon dioxide is a 16-subunit enzyme called RuBisCO (ribulose-1,5-bisphosphate carboxylase- oxygenase). 2) RuBisCO is the slowest enzyme, 2-3 turnovers/second compared to 25,000 turnovers/second for respiratory enzymes. (Carbonic anhydrase pops two commas in its rate.) 3) RuBisCO is awesomely awful at what it does, less than 1% of input solar energy becoming chemistry. 4) RuBisCO also catalyzes photorespiration using oxygen rather than carbon dioxide, destroying 30-50% of what little it made. If there is a god, he/she/it/they majored in Liberal Arts. Half the soluble protein in plant leaves is RuBisCO, demanding lots of nitrogen fertilizer for its presence. Gene-gineers have wet dreams about fabricating a marginally better RuBisCO and making farms twenty times more productive. Decent RuBisCO would grow vegetable oil to power the planet, and have Environmentalists pissing and moaning about the (natural!) smell of soybeans belching from smokestacks. How much progress is secured rebuilding putt-putt RuBisCO into a chemical powerhouse sucking up Greenhouse Effect carbon dioxide and disgorging a cornucopia of food, fiber, and fuel? None, which is to say, none. Incremental non-Mendelian crop upgrades like herbicide resistance and intrinsic insecticide activity hold center stage, ground zero for "concerned" citizens' snit. Save our children from cheap, abundant, and nutritious food! Science for revising RuBisCO is carefully squelched with funding omissions. It is a big job, and almost nobody is doing it. God and His self-appointed vendors like it that way. What are natural alternatives? The Research Institute for Innovative Technology for the Earth, in Keihanna Science City near Osaka Japan (the bigger the title the smaller the reality) identified a red algae harboring RuBisCO three times as efficient as standard green plant issue. It is still crap, but it is marginally better crap. Transferring synthesis and regulatory genes plus compatible related process enzymes algae to rice will require "about 10 years" to evaluate preliminary outcomes. Your dad should have such job security - the more deficient the results the longer the tenure. RuBisCO is abundant and amenable to crystallization. The stuff in green plants has enjoyed an x-ray crystal structure. It is a painfully obvious next step to isolate, crystallize, and do an x- ray crystal structure on superior red algae RuBisCO and compare it atom by atom to discern differences. Site specific mutagenesis then turns out a few thousand rationally modified RuBisCOs, structure-activity correlations churn through computers, and you soon have a cornfield filled with incredible numbers of tightly spaced stalks bearing tiny efficient leaves and lots of corn. This would be wrong, if for no other reason than the UN is pushing rice by majority vote. You could make corn roots host nitrogen fixing bacteria as do legume roots, minimizing nitrogen fertilizer needs. You could increase the lysine content of corn, making its protein fully nutritional and a staff of life for hot, arid climates. You could add Bacillus thuringiensis toxin to its leaves and stalks to prevent insect infestation. You could go away - famine is a robust, widespread, and inexpensive political tool. Improving rice would be doubly bad. Suppose the resulting taste did not meet starving Asian's flavor expectations? That would be racism - imposing Western consumerist atrocities upon precious native cultures. Besides, the wrong people would own the patents. Are there plants that integrate efficient photosynthesis, pest resistance, scant fertilizer requirements, and massive productivity? Perfection in evolution is realized in crab grass. Yummy!