ASK DR. SCHUND
                    (C)1988 Alan M. Schwartz

Dr.  Schund, what is the Strategic Defense Initiative?

SDI is such an incredible intellectual and physical effort that 
any country attempting to bankrupt themselves before we do to 
beat us to the punch, will bankrupt themselves before we do and 
lose.  SDI is a bargaining chip, much in the manner of Premier 
Gorbachev's fedora, or the issue of attack pelicans and the B-1 
strategic bomber.  SDI assures full employment for slightly spacey 
physicists and engineers, and lots of government accountants and 
kickback investigators.  Goodness, there are more fancy 
playthings than a Toys 'R' Us warehouse!

Now remember, about 5000 warheads on intercontinental missiles, 
cruise missiles, bombers, and other stuff plus about an equal 
number of otherwise identical but harmless decoys will be coming 
in by Russian Express.  About 10 warheads will wipe out LA from 
Long Beach to the Rose Bowl to Simi Valley.  Liftoff to touchdown 
is about 30 minutes by space.  No problem!

First, we have to detect launching, communicate it to the SDI 
people and hardware, and have them stand tall as Americans!  This 
currently takes about 45 minutes in the absence of cloud cover.  
Extrapolating curves of detection and communication time from 
World War I shows that a reaction time of less then ten 
milliseconds is expected by 2150 AD.  In the meantime we have 
strongly cautioned the Soviet Union that a sneak attack will be 
viewed with great official displeasure, jeopardizing their Most 
Favored Nation trade status.

Then there is that most incredible SDI weaponry, which has been 
simulated to the point where it mostly works, sometimes, except 
under conditions of excessive wind, cloud cover, darkness, or 
frost:

The RAILGUN!  Remember how you used to break paper clips in half 
and zing them from a rubber band?  Now consider a million ampere 
current blasting through a narrow plasma channel, hurling a paper 
clip at an oncoming warhead at a speed of many miles per second!  
Existing railguns can fire many times per day, limited only by 
the hour or so it takes to charge up their capacitor banks 
without blacking out the entire country's electric power grid.  
Thousands of railguns will be boosted into tight orbit, leaving 
only 9000 or so warheads and decoys for the next super weapon to 
destroy.

The INFRARED LASER!  Imagine thousand gallon tanks of 
superpressured hydrogen and fluorine.  Now increase the price a 
thousandfold by substituting deuterium for ordinary hydrogen.  
Viola!  -- a billion watt chemical laser that can destroy many 
warheads a minute if they are not too reflective or are not 
insulated.  Thousands of infrared lasers will be boosted into 
tight orbit, leaving only about 8000 warheads and decoys for the 
next superweapon to destroy.

The SMART ROCK!  Rock quarries across the entire nation have been 
subjected to intensive standardized testing.  The most hopeful 
candidates, from pebbles to boulders, have been put into Project 
HeadStart disguised as underprivileged children from Pacoima.  
Thousands of smart rocks will be followed though college and 
trained as rocket pilots to ram headfirst into enemy warheads and 
decoys, leaving only about 7000 warheads and decoys for the next 
superweapon to destroy.

The MINIMISSILE!  Thousands of miniature superboosting rockets, 
each about the size of a rutabaga, will be tipped with micro 
nuclear warheads to meet the incoming enemy weapons head on!  
Current projections have most of this taking place over Canada.  
The limited range of the minimissiles, about ten miles, does lead 
to some interesting questions regarding where they are based and 
where they will explode.

The X-RAY LASER!  Powered by massive nuclear blasts, thousands of 
x-ray lasers will be boosted into tight earth orbit.  If those 
dirty commies try anything sneaky, we will ignite the x-ray 
lasers, removing the atmosphere from half the planet, making it 
impossible for their bombers to fly to the US of A!

Intensive analysis shows that of 5000 hostile warheads launched, 
fewer than 1000 will make it to our noble nation, and many of 
those will have mechanical or electronic malfunctions.  On the 
average, fewer than 9.8 nuclear warheads are expected to make it 
to the LA area, statistically defeating Soviet plans for total 
annihilation of the Los Angeles Basin.

However, when the totality of SDI hardware is boosted into tight 
orbit, everything will be touching everywhere, giving absolute, 
100% protection from Soviet aggressive acts.  The utter 
importance of inventing, perfecting, producing and orbiting 
everything SDI asks for is therefore obvious, and not subject to 
political whims or rational analysis.  This, then, is the 
Strategic Defense Initiative.